Sniffer Bees

http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/animals/newsid_1987000/1987799.stm

Finally

Yesterday we found out that in about 3 months, after all the government regulation wotnots are sorted out, we will be part of the big HAL family.

So now speculation is about which office we will move to. This is mainly "we wont move offices, they'll keep us" to which the reply is why would they want to keep a two-bit office like this open when they already have an office in the next city, about 15 miles away. No, no, no, we are being 'incorporated'. There is no room for people who want to stay as they are. We will become part of the big corporate machine. No-one will every know our individual names. A tiny drop in the ocean to the corporate behemoth that is HAL.

Still, that's ok. There'll be investment in people and infrastructure. New laptops. new corporate mugs. product strategy. planning. all the sorts of things you expect in a successful company. It will make a nice change.

AND they are getting rid of some of the management monkeys - I know this because we were specifically told that their jobs are safe. How many times have you heard that before? "the minister in question has the PM's full support" or "the manager had the full support of the board". Politics/football/software it's all the same. The statement of support is usually the kiss of death.

Hang on though, they also said that we the people were their greatest asset. Maybe they wont move us anywhere, maybe they'll just show us the door.

HAL

at last we have a date for the big announcement at work. It is a well known secret that HAL are buying us and we have all been summoned to the other office next week to hear this in person.
Now to hear some of the people in this office talk you would think they've been asked to chew off their own feet. "I don't see why we have to go" "I don't want to go"...etc. The company is laying on a bus to ferry us all there and we get lunch too. This constitutes the first freebie from the management monkeys in about 2 years. The last freebie being a revolting and badly fitting corporate shirt.

So what's the problem with everyone? We've been begging the management monkeys to sell the company to someone with an iota of common sense for years now - show some enthusiasm guys. So you have to get up a bit earlier to get the bus, for christsakes it's hardly the end of the world and you never know, they may sack the current CEO before our very eyes.

I would pay money to see that.

Oh No! There's an "S" missing

Today's panic is a missing "S". Apparently this constitutes a 'major' bug in the code.

To fix it, you have to open a file and insert the offending "S" and then save the file.

Go on, try it. Open a file, insert an "S" and then save it. There, how long did that take you? Exactly.

Why am I spending time explaining this to my boss? Because the morons who wrote the code want to distract people from noticing that they can't actually do their job properly. I think we have more important things to worry about than a missing "S". More important things like, the rest of the code doesn't actually work.
Err, hello, priorities anyone?

So, no, we don't need a new process to avoid missing "S"'s. What we need is to hire people who have at least a tentative grasp of the concept of software development and who can actually write some sodding code without breaking the bloody product.

It's not that difficult a concept, surely.

This project is doomed

This project is doomed. We don't have the information we need to be able to finish. Worst case scenario is that when the data arrives, we have to re-write everything.

I did mention this to the powers-that-be. Once or twice.

So I have been continuing regardless because it is "urgent". We don't know what we're doing, the customer doesn't know what they're doing or what they want and their supplier hasn't got a clue either.

As I said, doomed.

but now, I have been told to stop work because...there is significant risk of producing a load of rubbish.

Captain Obvious strikes again.

Helping

I'm working on an "urgent" and "high profile" project - yawn, yes another one. This one is turning out exactly like all the rest. Struggle along without the correct information for long enough and suddenly it's not urgent or life threatening after all.

This time it was deemed so urgent that some Manager decided to help me out by doing part of the work. I knew it wouldn't work, but would he listen?
So the situation is now that this Manager is reviewing my work and doing his bit and oh, hang on. He's now on holiday for 3 weeks.

That kind of urgent, then. You bugger off for 3 weeks and I'll stay here fielding irrate phone calls from clueless managers as to why the project has slipped and why I've given up and started on a different project.

I hate that. If you want something doing properly.....


In other news, we are apparently only a week or two away from HAL buying the company. I wish they'd hurry up. There's a risk of redundancy but as I don't have the willpower to get off my arse and get a proper job, that might not be a bad thing. I hope they cull the management. I've started offering prayers to the gods "please get rid of at least some of the management monkeys". Of course it could all be another red herring. That's quite a depressing thought.